Matt Cassel can’t play NFL quarterback.

Normally I try to finesse my way into these kinds of declarations, but not today. I think it’s important to have an earnest discussion about what happened Friday night, and what happened was a clear example of why some signal callers are taken high in the first round of the draft and others are taken low in the last. Read the rest of this entry »

In the internet era, watching a game on a self imposed 96-hour tape delay is as pointless an activity as one can hope to engage in. Nevertheless, I watched the Baltimore game tonight, and, unsurprisingly, I didn’t learn anything new. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to share my observations. I am. First, however, I will impart a few bits of wisdom from the preceding 96 hours of my life which necessitated said tape delay.

1. When flying, keep all of your prescriptions in your carry-on bag. Do not check them. Especially if you’ve got something good. For instance, if you have pain meds that might be necessary to control kidney spasms after surgical removal of a 5.8 mm stone. TSA agents (or at least the one checking my bag) have no shame regarding taking what they think ought to be theirs. Read the rest of this entry »

I am writing to you presently from gate B23 of the Denver International Airport, home of the Broncos. It’s doubtful I’ll finish this article prior to boarding, so there’s a good chance I’ll complete it from the terminal of Los Angeles International, erstwhile home of the Raiders and even further erstwhile home of the Chargers. That’s right…. Your fearless narrator is writing to you from enemy territory.

Your fearless narrator is also writing to you having just had a 6 millimeter kidney stone extracted three days prior, and is somewhat convinced at this point, enemy territory or no, this trip may be the death of him. Read the rest of this entry »

He was the last link to a regime most of us would like to forget. An undrafted free agent signed and soon after released by the Dallas Cowboys, the college tight end turned defensive lineman was envisioned by Carl Peterson and Gunther Cunningham to be a potential replacement for their aging one time Pro Bowl center. After a summer in Berlin as one of the brighter stars of the failed NFL Europe, he replaced said center…. Once. New coach Dick Vermeil, perhaps not having much faith in a guy that at the onset appeared to be a long term project, brought in journeyman and occasional starter Casey Wiegmann.

It took an awkward, unproductive tandem of Victor Riley and Donald Willis to bring about a fresh opportunity for the man of many positions. With eight games of neither getting the job done, Dick Vermeil looked at his bench with a critical decision at hand: Darnell Alford or Brian Waters? Read the rest of this entry »

In February I went back to college. I haven’t decided yet if it’s the best decision I’ve ever made or the worst. Regardless, until I complete the semester (which shall be my last–I’ll graduate half a decade later than I should have, but with a very respectable GPA), you won’t hear much from me on here.

On the other hand, shutting up is not, nor has it ever been, my strong suit. Thus, I’ll aim for brevity, but given the present state of the league, silence doesn’t seem a viable option. Read the rest of this entry »

To begin the season, I wrote an article praising the virtue of Brett Favre as the game’s redemptive hero–a guy who is prone to error both on and off the field, but finds his way to atonement for any and all offenses. This, of course, was prior to the infamous Dickturegate, wherein Favre sent pictures of his captain happy to a girl he shouldn’t have. In reality, he shouldn’t have been sending dicktures to any girl, even his wife. I have yet to meet the girl that enjoys receiving them, and I’ve met a lot of girls.

Call it a symptom of his age. Younger men who get the same idea in their head (no pun intended) figure out it has a 0% success rate sometime in their late teens/early twenties. Favre didn’t have a cell phone in his late teens/early twenties. In his youth, sending dicktures required an envelope, a stamp, and a trusting relationship with the fellow in charge of your local One Hour Photo franchise. Thus, it was later in his life when the idea for said mischief occurred. This is key only because it happened in proximity to his fall as a player. Had it happened two years ago when he was still kicking ass, we would have laughed for a week, and then we would have moved on. Instead, it was the only thing about Favre which anyone could latch onto this season. No longer could a sportscaster say the words “Favre threw two interceptions in an upset loss.” Instead, it was required that the following vernacular (or some paraphrase thereof) be used: “Favre, beleaguered by having sent dicktures to a hot chick that works for the Jets organization, threw two interceptions in a highly anticipated loss.” Read the rest of this entry »

I was always thankful in high school that our first semester report cards came out after the holidays. No kid wants to be confined to their room over Christmas break, and…. well…. I had more than a few report cards that got me in trouble. The flip side of that was returning back to school the second week of January and attempting to remember what had been taught to me well enough to get through final exams. The problem was that I had the capacity to be a straight A student, but none of the requisite drive. Like Matt Leinart, I was too busy chasing girls.

I’m going to do something a little different this year. Rather than just a flat out evaluation, I want to reevaluate my grades from last season to see how the team has progressed. I’ve done no prep work for this article (again with the chasing girls thing), so this is all straight from the hip. Here goes: Read the rest of this entry »

Scott Pioli is presently hailed as a draft genius. Everyone knows why: Eric Berry. Forget that all but one of the remaining picks made significant contributions through the season. Eric Berry was seemingly NFL posteason-ready the day he was drafted. That’s not normal, even for a top five pick. At present pace, Berry is going to spend a lot of Februaries in Honolulu.

In contrast to an overwhelmingly successful 2010 draft, the 2009 draft was not genius level, ultimately yielding four career backups, three goners, and a kicker. Two of those backups (Donald Washington and Quentin Lawrence) are probably going to have short careers. The historical perspective of that draft was going to hinge on the trade made in the 2nd round: the 34th overall pick to New England for quarterback Matt Cassel and veteran linebacker Mike Vrabel. The knock on the trade was that Cassel was too inexperienced and Vrabel was too old. Read the rest of this entry »