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Why Your Team Sucks 2018!
#1
Starting with the Browns!

https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks...1827964939

As usual, I am not going to post a link to all of these, probably just the AFC West and anything that's particularly brutal.  That said, please post your favorite stuff as the series goes on.  Highlight of the preseason every year.
#2
The best part of these articles are the fan comments.

And holy shit, I feel like I dodged a bullet by NOT moving to a place where it was likely to become a Browns fan at an impressionable age.  I say this as a person who grew up rooting for the football Cardinals in the 80's during the Lomax "era".  Look up how awesome and fun THAT was.
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#3
I can relate to Giants fan Sara:

Sara:
Quote:I’m so fucking tired of being asked to not scream profanities in front of children.
#4
Broncos is up.

https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks...1828078886


Quote:Every year John Elway starts to become the uncanny valley version of Gary Busey. He needs to be put out to pasture.

Quote:I’m pretty sure John Elway’s strategy for drafting quarterbacks involves finding the ones with the whitest names possible and not giving a shit if they’re actually good at football. We ended up with a Brock, Paxton, Chad, Trevor, and Zac, they all sound like the guy who will immediately back you into a corner with his story about his trip with his ski bros to Vail, and they all throw like a wounded goddamn mongoose.
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#5
(08-03-2018, 04:28 PM)ChiefsChick23 Wrote: Broncos is up.

https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks...1828078886


Quote:Every year John Elway starts to become the uncanny valley version of Gary Busey. He needs to be put out to pasture.

Quote:I’m pretty sure John Elway’s strategy for drafting quarterbacks involves finding the ones with the whitest names possible and not giving a shit if they’re actually good at football. We ended up with a Brock, Paxton, Chad, Trevor, and Zac, they all sound like the guy who will immediately back you into a corner with his story about his trip with his ski bros to Vail, and they all throw like a wounded goddamn mongoose.

Quote:The state with the most amazing natural beauty in America is otherwise defined by 15,000-seat megachurches where a guy in shorts encourages people to “think of Jesus as your workout buddy.”
#6
I don't give a shit about the Bucs, but whoa nellie, I'm still laughing:

https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks...1828155391

Quote:Eleven Roombas with googly eyes taped to the top would put up 31 points against this defense.
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#7
It's Raider day!

https://twitter.com/drewmagary/status/10...0645402625

https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks...1828217248
#8
(08-09-2018, 12:31 PM)NOLA Wrote: It's Raider day!

https://twitter.com/drewmagary/status/10...0645402625

https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks...1828217248

Speaking as a martial arts professional, that fight was AWESOME.  The stupid chick with the stick is DAMN LUCKY someone doesn't tag her for assault with a deadly weapon.  And the scrum o' angry hugs was ADORBS.

Derrick Johnson is going to regret not retiring at the end of last season.  You watch.  And speaking of DJ:

Quote:Their defense is terrible but the only signing they made was 400-year-old Derrick Johnson who has more torn Achilles than Derek Carr has broken legs.

Quote:All it took was one lousy season for them to completely abandon that plan and go back to being a bunch of glory day­­­–humping imbeciles.

That sums up this franchise's last three decades so succinctly.  Which means that next year, they'll be the national pundits' sexy pick to win the AFC West, mainly because somebody is going to knock Phillip Rivers' arms off or something, because apparently there is an injury curse on the Chargers and he's due.

Quote: Jon Gruden wants to “throw the game back to 1998.”

The Raiders’ record in 1998: 8-8

We are so fucked.

This warms my heart so very, very much.  The Chiefs weren't great in 1998 either, but... they swept the Raiders that year. (28-8 at Arrowhead, 31-24 at their shitty stadium).

And it's nice that the Raiders fans are hating on the Chiefs. FINALLY, how many beatings did we have to give them for that to happen?  That also warms my heart.  That's right, Raider fans, hate us, because your glory days are WAY behind you and you're never going to sniff a Super Bowl again.

[Image: tenor.gif]
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#9
(08-10-2018, 11:20 AM)ChiefsChick23 Wrote:
(08-09-2018, 12:31 PM)NOLA Wrote: It's Raider day!

https://twitter.com/drewmagary/status/10...0645402625

https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks...1828217248

Speaking as a martial arts professional, that fight was AWESOME.  The stupid chick with the stick is DAMN LUCKY someone doesn't tag her for assault with a deadly weapon.  And the scrum o' angry hugs was ADORBS.

Derrick Johnson is going to regret not retiring at the end of last season.  You watch.  And speaking of DJ:

Quote:Their defense is terrible but the only signing they made was 400-year-old Derrick Johnson who has more torn Achilles than Derek Carr has broken legs.

Quote:All it took was one lousy season for them to completely abandon that plan and go back to being a bunch of glory day­­­–humping imbeciles.

That sums up this franchise's last three decades so succinctly.  Which means that next year, they'll be the national pundits' sexy pick to win the AFC West, mainly because somebody is going to knock Phillip Rivers' arms off or something, because apparently there is an injury curse on the Chargers and he's due.

Quote: Jon Gruden wants to “throw the game back to 1998.”

The Raiders’ record in 1998: 8-8

We are so fucked.

This warms my heart so very, very much.  The Chiefs weren't great in 1998 either, but... they swept the Raiders that year. (28-8 at Arrowhead, 31-24 at their shitty stadium).

And it's nice that the Raiders fans are hating on the Chiefs. FINALLY, how many beatings did we have to give them for that to happen?  That also warms my heart.  That's right, Raider fans, hate us, because your glory days are WAY behind you and you're never going to sniff a Super Bowl again.

[Image: tenor.gif]

Not for nothing, but wasn't 1998 the year of the Monday Night Meltdown?
#10
(08-10-2018, 12:05 PM)NOLA Wrote:
(08-10-2018, 11:20 AM)ChiefsChick23 Wrote:
(08-09-2018, 12:31 PM)NOLA Wrote: It's Raider day!

https://twitter.com/drewmagary/status/10...0645402625

https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks...1828217248

Speaking as a martial arts professional, that fight was AWESOME.  The stupid chick with the stick is DAMN LUCKY someone doesn't tag her for assault with a deadly weapon.  And the scrum o' angry hugs was ADORBS.

Derrick Johnson is going to regret not retiring at the end of last season.  You watch.  And speaking of DJ:

Quote:Their defense is terrible but the only signing they made was 400-year-old Derrick Johnson who has more torn Achilles than Derek Carr has broken legs.

Quote:All it took was one lousy season for them to completely abandon that plan and go back to being a bunch of glory day­­­–humping imbeciles.

That sums up this franchise's last three decades so succinctly.  Which means that next year, they'll be the national pundits' sexy pick to win the AFC West, mainly because somebody is going to knock Phillip Rivers' arms off or something, because apparently there is an injury curse on the Chargers and he's due.

Quote: Jon Gruden wants to “throw the game back to 1998.”

The Raiders’ record in 1998: 8-8

We are so fucked.

This warms my heart so very, very much.  The Chiefs weren't great in 1998 either, but... they swept the Raiders that year. (28-8 at Arrowhead, 31-24 at their shitty stadium).

And it's nice that the Raiders fans are hating on the Chiefs. FINALLY, how many beatings did we have to give them for that to happen?  That also warms my heart.  That's right, Raider fans, hate us, because your glory days are WAY behind you and you're never going to sniff a Super Bowl again.

[Image: tenor.gif]

Not for nothing, but wasn't 1998 the year of the Monday Night Meltdown?

Yep, but that was against the Donkeys.  We also finished in the basement of the division.  But hey, we beat the Raiders twice, so that redeems that otherwise shitty season.

I'm reading the Bears WYTS and the various ways they misspell their QB's name is cracking me up.
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