Folks, there’s no clever title this time around. No clever introduction either. I’m going straight to analysis.

If I had to sum up the Chiefs’ performance on Friday in a single sentence, that sentence would be this: what happened in the middle of that starting defensive line was a travesty. I could leave it at that and feel satisfied with the quality of my article. After all, it’s not the size of the ship, right? That wouldn’t be fair to Javier Arenas, however, so I’ll write a little more. (more…)

Remember last offseason when everyone bitched about Brett Favre’s retiring/un-retiring dominating the sports news? Or the offseason before when everyone bitched about Brett Favre’s retiring/un-retiring dominating the sports news? Well, this year it was a foregone conclusion that he was going to play again. As it turns out, that might not be the case, but the story didn’t dominate the sports news until today.

Personally, I’d love it if Brett Favre had dominated the sports news this offseason. It’s so much more palatable than the story we were stuck with instead. (more…)

Eric Berry gets 6 years $60 million max with $34 guaranteed from the Chiefs – highest paid safety in NFL history

Twitter–Jason La Canfora

Peter Steele, singer and bassist for the band Type O Negative and onetime Playgirl centerfold model, died last month of heart failure. Afterward, I made my customary dead celebrity jokes, none of which were in good taste. I did the same when Michael Jackson died a year ago. This deeply offended a few of my acquaintances. I was unfriended on Facebook by two people over a remark about Jackson looking at the man in the mirror and seeing dead people. This time around, there was no outrage (or faux-outrage, as I’m positive the majority of the offended hadn’t listened to the King of Pop at any point in the decade prior). Reactions ranged from indifference to amusement.

So what’s the moral of the story? If you want complete strangers to feign sorrow of your passing, don’t write borderline unlistenable goth metal.

What does any of this have to do with Kansas City football? Nothing, aside from the fact that the title of one of Steele’s better known songs made a good title for an article about Dwayne Bowe. Unsuccessfully Coping With The Natural Beauty Of Infidelity was written from the perspective of an individual whose significant other is unable to control his/her hormonal inclinations. Perhaps, then, I should have gone with Ludacris’s Hoes In Different Area Codes instead. (more…)

Behold! It’s the time of year when every draft pick is a future repeat Pro Bowler. It’s a unique point in the life of a rookie player. A Brandon Carr can be magically transformed into the next Dale Carter. Through the magic of a first name in common, Derrick Johnson can prematurely be crowned the reincarnation of Derrick Thomas. Tre Stallings is the next Will Shields, and Brian Johnston is the next Jared Allen.

Congruences are sought out by necessity. Fans don’t have the time or the resources to make qualitative analyses of every player available (the ones who claim they have are lying through their teeth). Opinions are based on stat sheets, talking heads, and fan-assembled youtube highlight reels. Thus, from April to August, followers fantasize about what may or may not come to pass in autumn, and while intellectually aware that most draft picks don’t pan out, it’s impossible not to dream a little bit.

Bearing that in mind, I now offer you my ill informed, premature opinion of the Kansas City Chiefs’ 2010 draft. (more…)

As this is the eve of the 2010 draft, I’d like to begin this piece by offering you all my personal draft predictions for our favorite team. (more…)

In the words of William J. LePetomaine, sometimes the affairs of state must take precedence over the affairs of state.

That’s the cleverest reference I could think of to explain why I’ve been absent for a while. Mind you, for him, the affairs of state meant getting laid behind the curtains in his office. Mine haven’t been nearly that interesting. Also, my office doesn’t have curtains. (more…)

Feigning offense is a national pastime. Take, for instance, an unremarkable moment nearly three years ago wherein a has been radio personality made a couple of racially insensitive jokes regarding the visual aesthetic of the Rutgers University women’s basketball team mid-game. We, the people, claimed moral indignation. Media Matters for America and Al Sharpton lambasted the fallen shock jock. Sponsors, in an attempt to avoid association with a perceived bigot, pulled their ads from his show. Even Hillary Clinton got in on the act, meeting with the team’s coach to discuss the healing process.

Healing process?

Yes, healing process. Those were coach Vivian Stringer’s words to describe how the team would move forward. It became a social responsibility of sorts for the ten championship caliber collegiate athletes to perpetuate the faux outrage. Other facets of their lives–their education, their future, and even their next basketball game–temporarily took a back seat to putting on a sad face for the media. The ladies played their part, pretending for a few days that a joke about the coarseness of their hair, made by a balding man wearing a Canadian tuxedo, had caused them great pain and suffering. (more…)

Take away the wins and losses for a moment and examine some of the ancillary aspects of being a football fan, and you’ll discover that following a bottom rung team is a double edged sword. You’re not likely, for instance, to be watching all that many national broadcasts. As such, you’ll never have to listen to Tony Kornheiser, which is undoubtedly a positive. You may, however, find that for several weeks of the season, you’ll be subjected to the likes of Rich Gannon and Ian Eagle.

I love Rich Gannon. I’m too young to have seen Len Dawson play. Thus, for me, Rich was the first good quarterback I saw wearing my team’s colors who wasn’t past the age at which a signal caller should be put out to pasture. Rich speaks well and knows a lot about football, and his knowledge isn’t limited to the scope of the position he played. His traveling companion, on the other hand, may or may not know a lot about football. I honestly don’t know, because I have yet to reconcile myself to the idea of listening to a man hellbent on using the word “ath-o-letic”. (more…)