Yes, that’s correct. I am the proud possessor of not one, but two copies of the Green Bay Squeakby. What will become of them? They’ll probably be recycled to catch bits and pieces of regular season games. Even though it was a victory, and victories have been few and far between over the past few seasons, I don’t see any pressing reason to relive this one after I’m finished re-watching it tonight.

The nice thing about watching the final preseason game post-roster cuts is that I get to see some of the team’s lesser players playing their last few downs in the red and gold–players like Nuke Ndukwe, for instance. The less than nice thing is that I also get to see some of the team’s lesser players struggling, with the knowledge that ultimately they haven’t played their final downs in the red and gold–players like Ryan O’Callaghan, for instance. No team has 53 superstars, but it’s tough to deny that the guys holding up the bottom of the heap in Kansas City are worse than most team’s worst–players like Terrance Copper, for instance.

(In fairness to Nuke, I should state that I had every intention of not liking him when he showed up, strictly on account of the fact that he replaced Herb Taylor. I should extend him a special thanks, however, for making it easy to follow through.)

On to the game.

First things first: it’s nice to see the Chiefs begin to establish an identity on both sides of the ball (for the purpose of this discussion, epic failure doesn’t qualify as an identity.) My tenure as a Chiefs fan began at the beginning of the Marty era, during which the team established a strong identity on defense. During the Vermeil era, the team lost what little remained of its defensive identity, but gained a respectable identity on offense. In each case, the identities were rooted less around a style of play and more around a single player–Derrick Thomas first, then Will Shields. My invocation of the latter will likely raise a few eyebrows, as the more obvious answer would be Priest Holmes. Remember, however, that Derrick Blaylock had four touchdowns in a single game (three behind Brian Waters because the Atlanta defense skewed so heavily toward Shields’s side).

Identity is harder to create without players of Thomas’s and Shields’s caliber. In my 20+ years of watching the Chiefs, only Chan Gailey, working with a very green Tyler Thigpen, was able to create some semblance of it. I watched Mike Solari, Todd Haley, Greg Robinson, Gunther Cunningham, and Clancy Pendergast all fail to do it as coordinators (Haley the head coach may still prove the ability to do so, but as a playcaller, he stunk). That’s why I like what I see when I look at what the team is beginning to accomplish right now. Charlie Weis and Romeo Crennel don’t have Derrick Thomases and Will Shieldses to work with, but, just as they did in New England, they’re creating identity with the players they have.

In the case of Crennel, the identity is not much different from that which he created in Foxboro. The front seven thrives on physicality and versatility, and they gamble like crazy. Frequently during the Green Bay game, with the safeties playing deep, the linebackers left large sections of field completely unprotected. On some plays it works better than others, but Crennel and his players accept the fact that they’ll periodically get burned. In exchange, however, they’ll strike a little fear in the hearts of opposing quarterbacks by constantly playing on the offense’s side of the line of scrimmage. This requires a sturdy pass rush. The Chiefs have sorely lacked one for two seasons now. Crennel has thus far created this pressure primarily with four players: Tamba Hali, Andy Studebaker, Wallace Gilberry, and, most surprisingly, Demorrio Williams, all of whom were available to both of Crennel’s predecessors. To some extent the players may be playing harder for him out of respect for who he is and what he has accomplished, but the reality is just that Crennel understands better how to utilize the talent he has. Case in point: Williams in a three-point stance. This was, in essence, Crennel teaching an old dog a new trick.

That’s what a coordinator is supposed to do. Why it’s taken Kansas City so long to find a new one is beyond me, but I sure am glad they finally did. Not feeling compelled to wince on every down will, to the average fan, be considered a major improvement over what they’ve witnessed for the past decade.

In Weis’s case, the option of simply recapping his M.O. from his Foxboro days isn’t an option. He doesn’t have a Tom Brady or Drew Bledsoe to work with. Likewise, he didn’t have a Jamaal Charles or a Thomas Jones to work with in New England. I’m not entirely convinced he even had a Jackie Battle. No, this script is a complete rewrite, and aside from having Pro Bowl centers and left guards on both teams, there are virtually no similarities. The closest thing on Weis’s resume to what he’s working with now was his first season as a coordinator with the Jets, with Neil O’Donnell as his signal caller and former return specialist Adrian Murrell as his feature back. Murrell had hit the wall by 1997, however, so even there a valid comparison can’t really be made.

Weis, who has never had a losing season as an NFL coordinator, is probably working with the least talented squad of his career. Still, his starters posted 14 points against a defense generally regarded as one of the best in the league. That, to me, indicates that he’s making progress. The fact that guys like Jackie Battle, Dexter McCluster, and even Tim Castille are coming to life and having some of the best games of their young careers also indicates to me that he’s making progress. Given that he’s working for the first time with a quarterback that will not ever see a Pro Bowl roster (I’d love to eat my words on this point, but I know what I see…. dude just isn’t very good), progress over last season is really all I could fairly expect.

I think we’re getting a little more than that, though. I’ve been a temporary Giants fan for the past few seasons (I always pick an NFC team to follow and support, but I seldom stick to them for more than two or three years). One of my favorite aspects of watching the Giants, particularly during their Super Bowl season, was seeing the three-headed running attack of Brandon Jacobs, Derrick Ward, and Ahmad Bradshaw. Jacobs and Ward split the majority of carries through the first three quarters, then in the fourth Bradshaw provided a fresh set of legs. Given that two of Kansas City’s three running backs have yet to play a full game, it’s tough to say exactly how Weis will implement the three-headed running attack this season, but my guess is that it won’t be far off from New York’s. Factor in Charles’s soft hands as well as the multifaceted contributions McCluster is likely to bring to the table, and suddenly this is something very different from what one would expect from a run-first offense.

Okay, so you didn’t get much of a game review there, but hey…. it was preseason. Week four preseason. It’s as close to meaningless as football can be (which is, to say, not very meaningless at all).

Lastly, on the subject of Todd Haley’s Right 53, I gotta say…. I’m almost impressed. I saw only two glaring errors: the omission of Derek Lokey and the trade of Jarrad Page. When I saw Lokey in a goal line package at fullback, I assumed it was a test of his versatility to determine whether or not he could be used as a change of pace during the regular season. I think I was wrong. I think it was a last-ditch effort to impress an otherwise unimpressed coaching staff. Regardless of their impression of him as a lineman, I see a critical failure on the part of the coaching staff in cutting him. He should have been giftwrapped Thomas Gafford’s job, which, if nothing else, would have left him available as an injury substitute at both nose tackle and fullback. I know I’m outspoken on the whole dedicated long snapper issue, but I’m right. Gafford can’t contribute elsewhere. Lokey, just like Jay Alford during his tenure in New York, had something more to offer.

With Page, ultimately I don’t think it’s a wrong move to keep him off the field in Kansas City. The wrong move, rather, was in allowing yet another Chief to dictate his place on the team by simply stating that he didn’t want to play for the organization anymore. Eddie Kennison aside, I don’t believe in allowing players to strongarm the front office. The team struggles enough in free agency to attract players strictly on the grounds of geography. It sends the wrong message to the rest of the locker room when players are essentially allowed to leave on request (see also: Larry Johnson, though I had a much harder time convincing myself to be legitimately upset about that one).

End rant. End preseason. Clever titles return next week. Fire Tyler Palko.

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I’m curious to hear from my readers whether they think the defense’s success says more about Kansas City or more about Philadelphia. I myself am at a loss. I see few, if any, parallels between last night’s game and the game six days prior. Did the unit turn the corner sometime last week, or is Tampa Bay with their backup quarterback a more formidable offense than Philadelphia with their starter? I hope it’s the former, but I’m far from convinced.

I am convinced, on the other hand, that this game alone was enough to determine the right 53. In large part, the players anticipated to deliver delivered, and the ones anticipated to disappoint disappointed. It makes for a tidy trimming over the coming week and a half. Thus, based on last night’s performance, I think it’s time for me to unleash my first depth chart of the preseason upon my readership. Position by position, here’s what I saw happen:

RUNNING BACK
There isn’t much comparison to be made between Thomas Jones and Jamaal Charles. The team’s official depth chart lists Jones at the starter, and Jones has played at least the first snap of every game thus far, but Todd Haley knows where his bread is buttered. Jones is unquestionably a capable tailback. I’m glad he’s on my team. He’s not special. Charles is. Charles has nearly twice the combined rushing and receiving yardage as Jones, and he’s accomplished this feat with fewer touches. Haley may want to send his younger player a message about focus and accountability right now, but I doubt he’s foolish enough to risk losing a game over it during the regular season.

Jackie Battle, meanwhile, is delivering on the promise I felt he had last season. In the storm chasing world, Battle would be branded a core puncher. He’s also a major special teams contributor. No player on the bubble has staked their claim quite the way Battle has. I don’t think Kestahn Moore stands a chance.

BATTING ORDER: Jamaal Charles, Thomas Jones, Jackie Battle.

QUARTERBACK
While Charles, Jones, and Battle are invoking memories of Holmes, Richardson, and Blaylock, albeit with a different panache, Matt Cassel and Tyler Palko are busy invoking memories of some of Trent Green’s backups. And I don’t mean Todd Collins. Cassel looks every bit the dink and dunk short yardage quarterback Damon Huard was, and Palko looks every bit as lost as Jonathan Quinn. Brodie Croyle is doing a good impression of one of Green’s backups too: Brodie Croyle. As per usual, he’s camping out on the injury report.

Meanwhile, Jeff Garcia is playing in the UFL. Garcia isn’t on Todd Haley’s radar. He isn’t on anybody’s radar. I’ll guarantee you, however, that he damn sure could outplay Tyler Palko. Maybe Matt Cassel too.

BATTING ORDER: Matt Cassel, Brodie Croyle, somebody other than Tyler Palko.

WIDE RECEIVER
The assertion was made during the Eddie Kennison era that the Chiefs didn’t really have a #1 wide receiver. They were right. Eddie was a strong #2 who became the go-to guy because the Chiefs never, ever invest in wide receivers. Not much has changed. Neither Dwayne Bowe nor Chris Chambers is a true #1, and Dexter McCluster, given his weight, can’t fairly be expected to be an every down player. I have no real desire to talk about what’s going on behind those three either. Between Cassel and this group of bruisers, all I can say is this: I’m glad they’ve got good running backs.

BATTING ORDER: Dwayne Bowe, Chris Chambers, Dexter McCluster, Jeremy Horne, Lance Long, Quinten Lawrence.

TIGHT END
Here again is a position where a #1 player is not present. Leonard Pope is exactly the type of tight end I’d like my team to have as a #3 guy. He’s the best of the bunch. Tony Gonzalez, you are missed. Tony Moeaki, you are not Tony Gonzalez. Jake O’Connell, you’re not even Billy Baber.

BATTING ORDER: Leonard Pope, Tony Moeaki, Jake O’Connell.

FULLBACK
How about Derek Lokey? A lot of people probably haven’t caught on yet to the fact that he’s the short yardage fullback, and he’s not bad at it at all. It’s interesting watching him thread the gap between Rudy Niswanger and Ryan Lilja, both of whom he (allegedly) outweighs. Oh, and Mike Cox and Tim Castille aren’t bad either.

BATTING ORDER: Tim Castille, Mike Cox, with Derek Lokey ahead of either if it’s 3rd and 2.

CENTER
Rudy had a good game. He made a couple of key reads and laid some hard hits on Philly’s linemen. He’s still not of the same stock as Casey Wiegmann. This contest should long since have been over. Still, it’s good to have two viable options. It has been brought to my attention also that there is a third center on the roster right now: Lemuel Jeanpierre. I accepted an overwhelmingly French name when Jean Philippe Darche replaced longtime long snapper Kendall Gammon a few years back. I’m not quite ready to do it again. Also, in order to make the team, he would probably have needed to make it to the field once or twice during preseason. This is the easiest game of odd-man-out ever.

BATTING ORDER: Casey Wiegmann, Rudy Niswanger.

OFFENSIVE GUARD
After the struggles of the last few years, the team looks surprisingly well-set at guard, at least for the time being. Brian Waters has had a good preseason, as has Ryan Lilja. Better yet, Jon Asamoah could potentially be special. Perhaps it’s just wishful thinking taking hold, but on two plays I saw him make plays downfield that reminded me of Will Shields. As much as I like Lilja, and as happy as I am to see him back where he belongs, I won’t be surprised if he loses his job midseason, and I won’t be disappointed either.

BATTING ORDER: Brian Waters (LG), Ryan Lilja (RG/replacement LG if Waters is injured), Jon Asamoah (RG). Given that Rudy has played a little bit of guard in practice, I don’t anticipate the team keeps a fourth.

OFFENSIVE TACKLE
Barry Richardson, in my opinion, proved that he deserves the starting right tackle job last night. Cassel, master of the slow draw, was getting the sort of pass protection he would need to be successful if he were going to be successful. On many downs he had in excess of four seconds to get rid of the ball. That means either the Philadelphia pass rush, ranked 3rd in sacks last season, is weaker than Atlanta’s or Tampa Bay’s, or Barry Richardson is a superior athlete to Ryan O’Callaghan.

Branden Albert, meanwhile, continues to underwhelm me. He plays well, but he doesn’t play well enough to justify what we gave to get him. He did as a rookie, however, at 20 pounds heavier than his present weight. I know I’m a broken record on this subject, but some guys just play better bigger. Get that man a season pass to Sizzler and give him a chance to return to form.

BATTING ORDER: Branden Albert (LT), Barry Richardson (RT/LT replacement if Albert is injured), Colin Brown (RT/RG), Ryan O’Callaghan (RT).

NOSE TACKLE
There is no greater weakness on this team.

BATTING ORDER: Ron Edwards, Derek Lokey.

DEFENSIVE END
Alex Magee apparently finally woke up to the fact that his job is in jeopardy and started making plays. Too bad he’s logjammed behind three guys that will make it on the quality of their play and one guy whose paycheck dictates that he’s not going anywhere anytime soon.

BATTING ORDER: Glenn Dorsey (RDE), Shaun Smith (LDE), Wallace Gilberry, I can’t bring myself to say the fourth name because I don’t think he belongs in an NFL jersey, and Alex Magee.

INSIDE LINEBACKER
Given that Andy Studebaker established himself as the starter at the Sam position last night, it’s not a bad idea to move Mike Vrabel to the position of his namesake. He started a year and a half at left inside ‘backer for New England, and he’s better than the alternatives. As for the other starting spot, a strong argument can’t be made for any of the four candidates. Therefore, it is with great reservation and borderline disdain that I present to you the winner of the coveted nathanKent depth chart right inside linebacker starting spot: Demorrio Williams. Williams is the least athletic but most consistent, and he appears to be the best ballhawk of the bunch–those two sacks did a little bit to impress me with a guy who has underwhelmed me for years now. As for the backups…. who cares? It’s not a position of strength.

BATTING ORDER: Mike Vrabel (LILB), Demorrio Williams (RILB), Derrick Johnson, Corey Mays.

OUTSIDE LINEBACKER
Note that, as of right now, Tamba Hali is not credited with any sacks for the season. Left tackles have learned their lesson with him–hold and hope you don’t get caught. He isn’t elite. He might never make it to a Pro Bowl. At this point, his biggest asset isn’t his strength or his speed. It’s Andy Studebaker, and Andy Studebaker’s biggest asset is Tamba Hali. Just as it was with Hali and Jared Allen, there’s a renewed sense for opposing offenses of picking their poison. As for the backups, even if he hadn’t played well, Cameron Sheffield would likely earn a sympathy spot on anybody’s depth chart today. In my opinion, sympathy isn’t required. The kid plays hard. Beyond that, there’s another Frenchman and a guy whose name I’ve only heard in passing. Okay, Pierre Walters isn’t French, but neither is Lemuel Jeanpierre. Hey, I didn’t say everything on here was fair.

BATTING ORDER: Andy Studebaker (LOLB), Tamba Hali (ROLB), Cameron Sheffield, John Russell.

CORNERBACK
Kevin Kolb played too poorly to properly evaluate much of anything the Kansas City cornerbacks did. Brandon Carr has a bit of a niche for CB blitzes. There’s not really a whole lot else to say…. they did their jobs. What else could anybody possibly ask for?

BATTING ORDER: Brandon Flowers (LCB), Brandon Carr (RCB), Maurice Leggett (NB), Mike Richardson, Javier Arenas, Travis Daniels.

SAFETY
Again, not much to say here either, aside from the fact that Kansas City will clearly be starting two rookies. Kendrick Lewis has been a very pleasant surprise.

BATTING ORDER: Eric Berry, Kendrick Lewis, Jon McGraw, Jarrad Page. I’m still holding out hope, because the other options are really bad. Donald Washington is terrible.

SPECIAL TEAMS
We all know what’s happening here. They have at least two solid kick returners, a great kicker, a great punter, and a long snapper that will, as most long snappers do, waste a roster spot. I guess Derek Lokey is already busy enough with three positions though, so maybe it’s for the best.

If this game is any indication–and I believe it is–this team will not score a lot of points. The offense lacks playmakers. At best, we should anticipate seeing nothing more than Martyball scores, which means that in order to be competitive, the defense must be on point. They looked on point more often than not yesterday, but…. I don’t trust it. Four days ago I threw my support behind Kevin Kolb and the Eagles in a divisional pickem contest. Having seen him/them play a full game, I feel I was errant in my selection. Holding a subpar team’s starters to 10 points isn’t a major accomplishment. It should be considered a basic requirement.

On the other hand, maybe I was right, and I just severely underestimated Romeo Crennel. That’s a pleasant thought, but I’m not staking any money on it. This team is still a year or two away from contention.

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FIRST HALF

I have no choice but to admit this–Matt Cassel had an okay game. Whereas his passes generally range from questionable to bad, tonight they ranged from good to questionable. He kept the ball in the hands of his receivers and out of the hands of the Buccs’ defense. He amassed two successful scoring drives. Better yet, he improved dramatically on last week’s paltry average of four yards per completion. This is undoubtedly partly attributable to improved playcalling from the sideline. Charlie Weis might not be much of a college head coach, but it’s hard to deny that he has a bit of a Midas touch with an NFL offense.

Still, the major change between this week and last was not the plays, but rather the time allotted to execute them. With much maligned center Rudy Niswanger displaced from the starting lineup by his old boss, Casey Wiegmann, Cassel simply had longer on each down to get the job done. Cassel isn’t known for a speedy release, so that extra half second or longer afforded to him by having a stronger snapper might on any given play make the difference between success and failure. I’ve said this before, and I’ll stick by my analysis–Rudy is not a bad player. He’s just not built to play center. He has too long of an upper body, which keeps him from getting down low enough, which keeps him from getting proper leverage. Consequently, while he doesn’t allow a lot of sacks, he also doesn’t contribute much of anything past that first stop. Casey, by contrast, gets great leverage even against much larger players, and he consistently gets to the second level. And unlike a lot of other centers, Rudy included, he knows what to do once he gets there.

Et cetera, et cetera…. My longtime readers already know my outspoken admiration of Casey’s play. For those of you who were happy to see him go in 2008, however, I implore you…. tell me I’m wrong. After tonight, try to state your case for putting another player (short of maybe Dan Koppen or Jeff Saturday) in Casey’s place. After watching Mike Goff fall from grace so dramatically and so quickly last season, I’m leery of aging offensive linemen, but I’ve got a lot of confidence in Casey. He may not be the future of the franchise, but he’s more than enough for right now.

Sadly, the veteran running back also brought in this offseason isn’t having the same spectacular start as Casey. Thomas Jones continues to underwhelm me. Jamaal Charles and Jackie Battle were the only two Chiefs who have run worth a damn at all this preseason. Luckily for us, both of them are running at or above their anticipated potential. Charles was incorrectly identified as a speed guy earlier in his career (the error is glaring when evaluating him alongside Dexter McCluster). He has speed, but he also has vision, power, and great hands. He’s one of the best I’ve seen since Marshall Faulk, and, barring injury, there is no conceivable reason why this year won’t be the first of many Pro Bowl berths for him.

Dwayne Bowe, by contrast, won’t be going to a Pro Bowl anytime soon, if ever. Chris Chambers probably won’t be going back to another one. This is a pedestrian receiver corps, and, unlike some of Kansas City’s pedestrian receiver corps past, they don’t have a Pro Bowl tight end propping them up. Having said that, I’ll settle this year for consistency. If the Chiefs can keep the same top three (Chambers, Bowe, and probably McCluster) for all or most of the season, I’ll call that progress.

Progress, defensively speaking, is hard to analyze from this game. Tampa Bay isn’t known for their potent offense. The front seven looked better tonight than last week, but then again, what front seven wouldn’t? Johnson/Belcher seems to me to be a better duo than Williams/Mays, but give credit to Demorrio for playing with the fire and anger that any demoted starter should. The backfield looks solid. I like Kendrick Lewis. No team wants to start rookies at both safety positions, but, barring the unlikely return of Jarrad Page, there’s little question that he’s the second best safety on the team, and probably the third best defensive back overall. I errantly believed Flowers, Pollard, and Page to be 3/4ths of the next potentially great Kansas City backfield. Now I think it could be Flowers, Berry, and Lewis, and based on what I’ve seen so far, I think I might be glad I was wrong the first time around.

Beyond that, I don’t know what else to say about the defense. Get back to me next week after they’ve played another real offense.

The real star of the first half, however, was, just as was last week, Javier Arenas. By himself he’s capable of making serious plays, but he’s doing something far more significant–he’s inspiring his teammates. They’re better blockers this week than they were last, and better by far last week than they were last year. It’s the same players as last year too, minus Jon McGraw, their captain, so ostensibly this should be a less organized, less skilled group, but it’s not. Some of that is coaching, and some of it is cohesion too, but a lot of it is inspiration. There’s a reason it was Arenas, not Berry or McCluster, that got taped to a goalpost. It’s hazing, but it’s also a sign of respect.

Moving on now….

SECOND HALF

Tyler Palko sucked.

Thank you, and goodnight.

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If I had to sum up the Chiefs’ performance on Friday in a single sentence, that sentence would be this: what happened in the middle of that starting defensive line was a travesty. I could leave it at that and feel satisfied with the quality of my article. After all, it’s not the size of the ship, right? That wouldn’t be fair to Javier Arenas, however, so I’ll write a little more.

On the subject of size, ya know where size matters? Defensive tackle. Ron Edwards, who looks fatter than ever (which doesn’t jive with Haley’s workout philosophy, right?), isn’t big enough to have a Ted Washington-type career in his mid thirties. His already limited athleticism is grinding to a halt too. In order for a 3-4 to work, the nose tackle must draw a double team. Edwards needs only one to be contained. I think at times he needs none.

Many of you will object to the idea of me calling out Edwards, given that I supported him last year. Well…. last year he was drawing double teams. I liked Mike Goff for a long time too, but when a guy slips in mobility the way both of those guys have, I feel completely justified in withdrawing my support.

Also on the subject of size, ya know where size matters? Defensive end. Derek Lokey, mercifully, is no longer being auditioned in any meaningful capacity at nose tackle, but even after packing on 15 pounds (again, weren’t the players supposed to do the opposite?) and sliding over a spot, he still looks small. Having said that, I like the guy. He’s scrappy. He reminds me a little of Gary Stills. And he knows how to long snap. I’m very outspoken about my dislike of teams dedicating a gameday roster spot to a dedicated long snapper, unless that guy is Kendall Gammon or that ‘roid head from Houston. Thomas Gafford is neither of those two. Give Lokey Gafford’s job, and let him hit a few guys too while he’s out there. Jay Alford is doing it in New York, and he sacked Tom Brady in the Super Bowl.

On the subject of length, ya know whose arms are long enough to make up for his stature? Glenn Dorsey. Dorsey and Tamba Hali were the only two defenders consistently in the Atlanta backfield. The discussion about whether or not the two of them could play their new positions is officially over. Dorsey may never tally sacks like Warren Sapp, which is what was expected of him coming out of college, but he’s doing a damn fine job of playing his part.

Ya know who isn’t doing such a damn fine job of playing his part? Demorrio Williams. I know we’re thin at the position, but is it really necessary to continue trotting him out there as a starter? The rest of the inside linebackers, Corey Mays included, are outplaying him by a wide margin. Defensive coordinator Romeo Crennel has used Mike Vrabel as an inside ‘backer before. Maybe it’s time for the old man to reprise that role, particularly given the fact that he too is being outplayed by his backup.

Also on the subject of being outplayed by his backup, there’s Rudy Niswanger. In his defense, Rudy actually didn’t play badly. He just got outplayed by the old man from Parkersburg, Iowa. The old man is not as out of form as the average Denver fan would have you think. I’m an offensive line guy, and I liked Casey quite a bit when he was here the first time. It would be natural, based on that, for me to allow subjectivity to take over and shade my perception. If you believe it has, go re-watch the second quarter. Watch Casey beat his man on the line and get to the second level, just like he used to. Is he everything he was in 2002? Of course not, but keep in mind that the only other player from the fabled five (really seven, as both John Welbourn and Marcus Spears deserve respect for their contributions) is still playing: Brian Waters. Both Waters and Wiegmann are only a season removed from earned Pro Bowl appearances (I stress the word earned, because neither of the two is going to win a popularity contest outside the AFC West).

Then again, as long as you’re putting Wiegmann in a line with Ryan O’Callaghan, it’s not gonna do a bit of good for the Pride of Parkersburg to play to his potential. Matt Cassel, who has frequently demonstrated that he’s the type of guy who needs some time to make a decision, had a hard time even getting the time a mere mortal like Tyler Thigpen would require. But…. hell…. who are you gonna put in to take O’Callaghan’s spot?

That last question was rhetorical. This one is not: who are you gonna put in to take Matt Cassel’s spot? We all know Brodie Croyle to be a superior athlete to Cassel, but he didn’t look like the answer on Friday. He was wildly inconsistent, which is about par for the course for a Brodie Croyle preseason. Behind Brodie is Tyler Palko. I’ve had gas with stronger passing skills than Tyler Palko.

Finally, let’s talk about the two pleasant rookie surprises, Kendrick Lewis and Javier Arenas. Whereas Eric Berry and Dexter McCluster, and perhaps even John Asamoah to a point, were expected to deliver immediately (all three did an acceptable job for their first time out of the gate), nothing was expected of Lewis, and the only thing expected of Arenas was to not be crazy like his bonehead cousin (NBA player/avid gun enthusiast Gilbert Arenas, in case you hadn’t already made the connection). Both were dominant in their respective phases of the game (I don’t believe that Arenas is really expected to contribute much defensively), and, provided they maintain some semblance of this level of play, both will see significant playing time.

To recap, players I like: Charles, Wiegmann, Asamoah, Dorsey, Gilberry, Studebaker, Hali, Flowers, Lewis, Arenas, and the kickers (I won’t hold the two 53-yarders against Succop).

Players I don’t like: Cassel, Palko, Kestahn Moore, O’Callaghan, Edwards, Jackson, Demorrio Williams,

Players who could potentially impress me, but haven’t yet: the entire receiving corps (tight ends included), Thomas Jones, Leggett, Berry, McGraw, Morgan. Yeah, I said it…. DaJuan Morgan might yet impress me.

Players who probably won’t impress me this season, but aren’t terrible: Croyle, Waters, Lilja (good player, but not at right guard), Niswanger, Vrabel, Carr, Gafford.

All of this, of course, is based on one game’s worth of observation, so all four lists are subject to change.

Final negative note: That was one of the worst officiated games I have ever witnessed.
Final positive note: No Wade Smith.

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Twitter–Jason La Canfora

So what’s the moral of the story? If you want complete strangers to feign sorrow of your passing, don’t write borderline unlistenable goth metal.

What does any of this have to do with Kansas City football? Nothing, aside from the fact that the title of one of Steele’s better known songs made a good title for an article about Dwayne Bowe. Unsuccessfully Coping With The Natural Beauty Of Infidelity was written from the perspective of an individual whose significant other is unable to control his/her hormonal inclinations. Perhaps, then, I should have gone with Ludacris’s Hoes In Different Area Codes instead.

In case any of you missed yesterday’s news, Dwayne Bowe suffered a minor case of diarrhea of the mouth and told an ESPN reporter that some of his teammates aren’t completely faithful to their wives or girlfriends. Apparently some of them like to have hotel parties on traveling weeks. Some of them fly in specific girls. Others pick dance partners from the abundance of loose trim congregating in the players’ rooms. Sometimes the girls bring cameras and try to take pictures with the players for their Facebook pages. Wives and girlfriends aren’t fond of this practice, and thus the players themselves don’t care for it much either.

I’ll give you a moment to absorb that, as I’m sure none of you could have pictured such a thing happening. No Kansas City player has ever, for instance, fathered seven children by five women. The fact that some young women are gold diggers and starf**ckers is probably equally shocking, so I’ll give you yet another moment.

Better yet?

That an athlete is cheating on his spouse isn’t news. That a teammate alluded to said infidelity in an interview isn’t news either, nor is the fact that said teammate categorically absolved himself from any wrongdoing. Bowe doesn’t need to don sunglasses and weep-speak the words “that’s my quarterback” to make amends to his teammates. He didn’t name names; ergo, no harm, no foul.

It was, however, a boneheaded move. As a first round draft pick entering his fourth year of service, he should be aiming to assert himself as a leader of his team. This maneuver won’t endear him to teammates, coaches, front office personnel, or anyone else who wields the ability to influence his future. Say, for instance, that you’re Brodie Croyle. Say, for instance, that you replaced Matt Cassel as the starter after the bye week. Say, for instance, that it’s week 14, and you’re headed off to California to play the Chargers. Shortly before leaving your house to board the plane, Kelli gives you an early Christmas present: a long, drawn out inquiry as to whether or not you have any potential guests awaiting your arrival.

Now say, for instance, that you’re in the red zone. Casey Wiegmann snaps you the ball. The protection is solid. You’re comfortable in the pocket. You scan through your reads. Dwayne Bowe is open in the end zone. So is Chris Chambers. As you cock your arm back to throw, you hear Kelli’s voice in your head. Who gets the ball?

I have no serious concern of the aforementioned events taking place for a bevy of reasons, the most significant of which is that Todd Haley won’t let Dwayne Bowe anywhere near the endzone if he continues to drop passes. I am concerned, however, that this may be a ploy. Kevin Kietzman–a bastion of reliable information–speculated today that this, combined with Bowe’s penchant for putting the ball on the ground, might be grounds to consider a trade. Maybe he’s right. Maybe it’s best for the Chiefs and Bowe to part ways. But if that’s the decision made by Haley and Scott Pioli, I’m concerned that it sets a dangerous precedent.

I don’t know very many Chiefs fans that were sorry to see Larry Johnson go away. Larry played well below his pay grade and generally made an ass out of himself whenever possible, be it at home, online, or in the club. I was a major proponent of that transaction. With Bowe, however, regardless of what he does or how badly he plays, I don’t think the Chiefs can afford to lose him. If he is traded or allowed to walk, it sends a clear message to the rest of the team: if you want out, screw up on the field, then go home and screw up some more.

Love him or hate him, the organization has in its recent past an excellent role model for how to handle these situations: Carl Peterson. Carl didn’t bargain with or cave to the demands of disgruntled employees. Haley’s and Pioli’s approach, as demonstrated thus far, is a stolid declaration of My Way Or The Highway. With Peterson, there was no highway. That’s exactly the attitude that needs to be in place in the front office right now. Park Bowe on the bench. Send him out to make tackles on special teams. If necessary, don’t even suit him up. Petition Roger Goodell to instate a new roster status: Psychologically Unable to Perform. Just keep him on the roster. Let the players know that the only way out of a contract early is to genuinely suck at your job.

Some would contend, of course, that Bowe has already accomplished exactly that. He hasn’t. Even in a down year, he’s a 600 yard receiver. Terrance Copper has barely more than that for his entire career, and he’s headed into his eighth season. Bowe is a phenomenally gifted athlete, and thus he accomplishes more on autopilot than most players are capable of under any circumstance. Copper could put in the kind of study time Priest Holmes did, and he still wouldn’t be close to Bowe’s level. In other words, Bowe is everything you’d expect from an LSU alum. Still, sans a backup plan and compensation commensurate with his talent, there can be no highway. For nothing else than the sake of preserving order, for the remainder of his contract, Bowe must remain a Chief.

Unless he starts writing borderline unlistenable goth metal. If I hear him singing any Seals & Crofts song…. ANY Seals & Crofts song…. all bets are off.

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Congruences are sought out by necessity. Fans don’t have the time or the resources to make qualitative analyses of every player available (the ones who claim they have are lying through their teeth). Opinions are based on stat sheets, talking heads, and fan-assembled youtube highlight reels. Thus, from April to August, followers fantasize about what may or may not come to pass in autumn, and while intellectually aware that most draft picks don’t pan out, it’s impossible not to dream a little bit.

Bearing that in mind, I now offer you my ill informed, premature opinion of the Kansas City Chiefs’ 2010 draft.

Nobody ever accused Gunther Cunningham a draft genius. Nobody should accuse Scott Pioli of being one either. Pioli presided over some of the worst drafts in Patriots history. His 2000 draft is considered by many to be a success based solely on the fact that he secured franchise quarterback and Matt Damon stunt double Tom Brady in the 6th round. What that draft’s proponents fail to ignore is that its second most successful player was 7th round fullback Patrick Pass, and that his two first day selections gave him a combined total 15 starts. To put that in perspective, Gunther’s three first day picks from the same year gave Kansas City a combined total of 148 starts, and one of those three was a coulda-been whose career was cut dramatically short by a busted knee that never healed.

I never hesitate my fondness for how and who the Steelers draft. Pittsburgh’s four first day picks in 2000 gave them 208 starts, then soldiered on to give their subsequent teams 203 more. All but one–Pro Bowl left tackle Marvel Smith–is still an active player. In 10 years they’ve produced two duds in the first three rounds–linebackers Alonzo Jackson and Bruce Davis. Even Ricardo Colclough can’t be deemed a complete failure, given that he gave them two solid years as a kick returner. Their ability to consistently produce has kept them at the top of the heap, and year after year the foundation of their team is built on guys drafted in the four or five years prior.

Meanwhile, the Patriots, who looked to be the new dynasty for several years of the past decade, are slowly unraveling. Their last five drafts have yielded four starters: Brandon Meriweather, Jerrod Mayo, Logan Mankins, and Nick Kaczur. They’re on the cusp of being non-competitive in a division that, for several years, has been non-competitive.

The guy who made that possible is now our guy.

Back when Boston could do no wrong in the eyes of the sports world, Pioli’s drafts were lovingly characterized as “drafting for depth.” That’s a clever euphemism for “took a bunch of guys who are gonna suck.” There’s something different about this draft. Maybe it’s the influence of Todd Haley. Maybe Todd acquired some of that Pittsburgh drafting prowess from his dear old dad. Or, perhaps, maybe Pioli just looked at the roster and realized that for the first time since he left Cleveland in 1996, he wasn’t working with a winning cast.

Either way, this wasn’t a draft for depth. Twice during Pioli’s tenure in New England the team traded down into eight picks in rounds 4 through 7, and twice more down to seven late rounders. Never in his career has he parlayed his way into five high round picks. Then again, by the same token, never in his career has he so badly needed to pick high early and often. I’ll be the first to say that a couple of the picks don’t make sense to me, but there weren’t any What The Hell picks á la DaJuan Morgan or Kris Wilson. None of these players are questionable to make the roster. They’re direct replacements for the following: Mike Brown, Bobby Wade, Maurice Leggett, Wade Smith, Jake O’Connell, DaJuan Morgan, and possibly Mike Vrabel. Aside from Leggett, I can’t picture myself missing anybody off that list.

This group was selected to rack up touchdowns, make interceptions, and to return kicks to the 40 yard line.

When I think back over the last three years, what this team has been missing is touchdowns, interceptions, and kicks returned to the 40 yard line.

Call me crazy, but this business of hiring guys to rack up touchdowns, make interceptions, and return kicks to the 40 yard line…. Well…. I think it might work.

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Eric Berry is selected by the Kansas City Chiefs.

* With the 5th pick of the 2010 NFL draft, the Kansas City Chiefs select: a college player, or possibly trade down for more picks and/or a player/players.
* With the 36th pick of the 2010 NFL draft, the Kansas City Chiefs select: a college player, or possibly trade down for more picks and/or a player/players.
* With the 50th pick of the 2010 NFL draft, the Kansas City Chiefs select: a college player, or possibly trade down for more picks and/or a player/players.
* With the 68th pick of the 2010 NFL draft, the Kansas City Chiefs select: a college player, or possibly trade down for more picks and/or a player/players.
* With the 102nd pick of the 2010 NFL draft, the Kansas City Chiefs select: a college player, or possibly trade down for more picks and/or a player/players.
* With the 136th pick of the 2010 NFL draft, the Kansas City Chiefs select: a college player, or possibly trade down for more picks and/or a player/players.
* With the 142nd pick of the 2010 NFL draft, the Kansas City Chiefs select: a college player, or possibly trade down for more picks and/or a player/players.
* With the 144th pick of the 2010 NFL draft, the Kansas City Chiefs select: a college player, or possibly trade down for more picks and/or a player/players.

I’m not a draftnik. I can, however, accurately identify the team’s needs based on last year’s performance, along with already completed free agency transactions. Most writers work through the depth chart from top to bottom when writing articles such as this. Starting with the quarterback and ending with the long snapper, however, is anticlimactic. Thus, here are your 2009 Kansas City Chiefs, from the bottom up.

SPECIAL TEAMS
LONG SNAPPER: Esso si que es. Thomas Gafford is slow and occasionally gets blown off the line. Darche was a better player than Gafford, and Gammon was a better player than Darche. There’s considerable regression at the position, which begs the question: how much effort should the Chiefs put in replacing Gafford? The answer: not a lot. Guys like Gammon and Darche–snappers who earn more than their keep by contributing elsewhere in practice–are uncommon. Thus, my opinion on the subject remains the same as it has always been: it’s not worthwhile to waste a roster space on a dedicated player. Train a lineman or a tight end instead.

2009 Grade: D.
Need for Upgrade: Minimal.

PUNTER: Eric Dickerson is the only running back in NFL history to carry the ball 400 times one season and not suck every year after. We know the threshold for that position. What’s the threshold for punters? For two years now Dustin Colquitt has looked ragged toward the end of each season. Replacing him outright would be foolish, but if he consistently sees the same amount of action he saw this year, I’ll bet his shelf life suffers tremendously.

2009 Grade: B.
Need for Upgrade: Nonexistent.

KICKER:Do a Google image search for Matt Leinart, and the third result will be the infamous picture of him in a hot tub with four girls. Do a Google image search for Ryan Succop, and the second result will be a similar picture, sans hot tub. Nobody ever bitched at Ryan for putting himself in the company of beautiful women. With Leinart, it was evidence that he didn’t take his career seriously. Fundamentally there’s no difference between the two. Leinart, however, is a household name, and Succop is Mr. Irrelevant. Chances are nobody outside of South Carolina or the I-35 corridor ever even saw the photo of Succop. Succop also surpassed all expectations, while Leinart has floundered in relative mediocrity (though in Leinart’s defense, it’s important to keep in mind that he was unseated by a potential future Hall of Famer with a Super Bowl ring). For those that spent the last decade pining for a new tandem of the same ilk as Aguiar and Stoyanovich, Merry Christmas–Colquitt and Succop are better.

2009 Grade: A.
Need for Upgrade: Nonexistent.

RETURNER: For those that spent the last decade pining for a new returner of the same ilk as Dante Hall in his prime, here’s your lump of coal. There are no long term solutions. There are no short term solutions. Last year’s new wedge rules diminished the effectiveness of a good return man, thus making it less of a necessity, particularly given the dearth of talent at so many other positions. Still, the most memorable punt returns from the last three years were Turk McBride’s. That’s not zesty.

2009 Grade: D.
Need for Upgrade: Moderate.

DEFENSE
SAFETY: Discussions were entertained last season as to whether the starters should be Jon McGraw and Mike Brown, Jon McGraw and Dajuan Morgan, or Dajuan Morgan and Mike Brown. Bernard Pollard, meanwhile, was the catalyst for a sea change in Houston, and the Chiefs got nothing in return. Imagine, then, what Romeo Crennel could have done with him. Then picture the very real possibility of Dajuan Morgan starting in his old spot.

2009 Grade: D.
Need for Upgrade: Critical.

CORNERBACK: One down, one to go. Flowers is a superstar in the making, much the way Dwayne Bowe should have been, but with all the discipline Bowe is lacking. Carr and Leggett show flashes, but both are wildly inconsistent. Ideally Pioli would bolster both positions, but if it came down to replacing Morgan or one of the lesser corners, I’d take my chances with Mo and Brandon Lite.

2009 Grade: C.
Need for Upgrade: Moderate.

INSIDE LINEBACKER: Corey Mays and Demorrio Williams were starters. No more need be said.

2009 Grade: F.
Need for Upgrade: Critical.

OUTSIDE LINEBACKER: Tamba Hali dropped 15 pounds, moved out of a three-point stance, and transformed into a different player. He doesn’t need a Jared Allen type setting up plays for him anymore, but, by the same token, he can’t be relied upon as the team’s sole pass rushing threat. Mike Vrabel isn’t going to fill that void. Andy Studebaker might, but that shouldn’t stop management from addressing it as an immediate need. Ask the 2007 Giants if three pass rushers is too many.

2009 Grade: C.
Need for Upgrade: Critical.

DEFENSIVE TACKLE: Ron Edwards did in 2009 what he does every year–he dared the Chiefs to find somebody better. They couldn’t. He kept his job. He did okay. Say whatever you like about his ability, but respect his availability. He played nearly every snap after the bye week. At age 30. And he did okay. After three years of rallying against keeping him, I’m officially reversing my position. For as long as he can continue to be effective, the Chiefs should keep him around in some capacity.

2009 Grade: C.
Need for Upgrade: Moderate.

DEFENSIVE END: In time, Tyson Jackson may go down as one of the worst early round defensive lineman picks made by the Kansas City Chiefs. That’s stunning, given the company he’d be keeping. More than any other rookie lineman I’ve seen in my many years of watching football, Jackson looked utterly lost. Not until after the bye week did he have a game wherein he registered more than two tackles. Left defensive ends can get two tackles a game just by falling forward at the snap. Glenn Dorsey struggled mightily his rookie year as well, but he at least showed flashes of competence. Jackson did not. Thus, I have little faith that he’ll improve. The financial commitment to him is significant, however, so he’ll be around, for better or for worse. Dorsey, by contrast, became the dominant force in the run defense that fans anticipated he would become in the pass defense. He’s less Warren Sapp and more Richard Seymour. I’m good with that.

2009 Grade: This is the only position that I find difficult to assign a grade, simply because there’s such a discrepancy between the two starters. One is a B, the other is an F. I guess that’s a solid C-minus, even though neither was a C-minus player.
Need for Upgrade: Critical.

OFFENSE
OFFENSIVE LINE: What’s the overall career threshold for a run blocking guard? If your name is Mike Goff, the apparent answer is 12 seasons. Goff sucked, Albert sucked, Niswanger sucked, Ndukwe sucked, and Wade Smith was still Wade Smith. I’ve heard the assertion that Ryan O’Callaghan is a solid backup. I call shenanigans. That assertion is based on nothing more than the fact that he played for last decade’s dynasty. While on that dynasty’s roster, however, he couldn’t unseat Nick Kaczur. Kaczur is Jordan Black minus the potential. The problem was immediately addressed pre-draft. Pioli righted two wrongs by bringing Casey Wiegmann and Ryan Lilja back where they belong, but Wiegmann and Brian Waters are long in the tooth, and the team hasn’t had a consistent right tackle since steriod era John Welbourn. In the Vermeil glory days, even the backups were starter caliber. Right now, even given the erstwhile improvements, there aren’t enough starters to start, let alone warm the bench.

2009 Grade: F.
Need for Upgrade: Critical.

TIGHT END: With the Sean Ryan experiment mercifully concluded, the team can take a closer look at Brad Cottam and Leonard Pope. Niether Todd Haley nor Charlie Weis demand much from a tight end, so why bother spending a whole lot of time looking?

2009 Grade: C.
Need for Upgrade: Minimal.

FULLBACK: Haley and Weis value fullbacks about as much as they do tight ends. Furthermore, the team already has two decent ones. Unless the Jets want to trade Tony Richardson for next year’s 5th round pick, if it ain’t broke….

2009 Grade: A.
Need for Upgrade: Minimal.

WIDE RECEIVER: Perennial underachiever Chris Chambers was 2009′s shining star. Perennial underachiever Mark Bradley was 2008′s shining star. Underachiever-in-training Dwayne Bowe was 2007′s shining star. If the goal is to redefine the word dull, the plan is a raging success. If the goal is to catch balls and win games, maybe it’s time to start looking. Also, it’s time to stop looking for a poor man’s Wes Welker. Spend some money and find a real Wes Welker.

2009 Grade: D.
Need for Upgrade: Critical.

TAILBACK: Jamaal Charles has arrived. More importantly, Larry Johnson has departed. Thomas Jones and Jackie Battle are singing backup. Javarris Williams may yet have potential. But, again, Larry Johnson is gone, and that’s what matters most.

2009 Grade: A, on account of the fact that Larry Johnson is gone.
Need for Upgrade: Moderate.

QUARTERBACK: Matt Cassel was a college backup for a reason. He’s a young Damon Huard minus the vision. Actually he might only be a young Brock Huard. The quicker he’s out the door, the better.
Need for Upgrade: Mandatory. The Chiefs absolutely must look at a QB tomorrow and every day thereafter for the remainder of Cassel’s tenure. Even carting out the Riedel Bama Boy for another shot would be better than sticking with Matt Leinart’s clipboard jockey. It’s the top spot, and the Chiefs are scouring the bottom rung. Green, Gannon, DeBerg, and Montana were great signal callers, but none of them were here long enough to leave an indelible mark on the face of the franchise the way Len Dawson did. The Chiefs are overdue for a true leader, and there is no time better than the present for the front office to stand and deliver.

So who should they be looking at?

I don’t know. I’m not a draftnik.

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That’s the cleverest reference I could think of to explain why I’ve been absent for a while. Mind you, for him, the affairs of state meant getting laid behind the curtains in his office. Mine haven’t been nearly that interesting. Also, my office doesn’t have curtains.

Previously on Nathan Kent’s ever-evolving biopic of the Kansas City Chiefs, the team was systematically getting their asses handed to them by the lower echelon of the AFC. They sucked on offense. They sucked on defense. They sucked on special teams. Clancy Pendergast exponentially increased Jerome Harrison’s 2010 fantasy draft value in a single afternoon, and Todd Haley allegedly flipped off a heckler.

To me, that feels like an eon ago. I suspect many fans feel the same. Somewhere in the interim, that team died in our hearts. Replacing it is the feelgood unit stocked with Super Bowl winning coaches, a pair of returning hometown heroes, and a new veteran running back that embodies everything Larry Johnson doesn’t–dedication, positivity, and, perhaps most importantly, the discipline not to hit a bitch.

So let’s cover some lost ground. To begin with, I owe you two game reviews. Here goes….

Week 16 (@ Cincinnati): Awful.
Week 17 (@ Denver): Brilliant.

Actually neither of the above is true. The Cincinnati game was an almost competitive contest against an almost competitive team, and it was almost watchable. It was a game, however, that the Chiefs were cosmically destined to lose. The Bengals and their fans were still reeling from the tragic death of receiver Chris Henry. They needed that win. I don’t like to see my team lose, but for the Chiefs it would have been a meaningless victory–a mercy win over an emotionally distraught team that lacked the willpower to play anywhere close to their potential. For the Bengals, it was anything but meaningless.

Given the circumstances, I don’t have a whole lot else to say about that.

The Denver game, on the other hand, merits a comment or two. To begin with, even better than the game itself is the viral video that circulated afterward, which very plainly lampooned two of the Broncos’ biggest fans–South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone. It’s the perfect bookend to the Herm-era Der Untergang viral, featuring a suicidal Adolf Hitler playing the part of Carl Peterson. It’s a brilliant Cliff’s Notes version of the game that glosses over the fact that Kansas City’s defense was yet again getting their asses handed to them by second string receivers and a B-List quarterback.

For obvious reasons it’s not on par with the demoralized Bengals fan base and their desperate need for a win, but nevertheless it was a needed win. It was needed primarily for the fanbase, which was as demoralized as I’ve seen it in my 20 years of watching Chiefs football. In the Marty, Gunther, and Dick eras, a blackout would not have taken place. It was a virtual impossibility. With Herm Edwards it shifted from impossible to plausible, then from plausible to probable.

But it took Todd Haley to actually make it happen–to create an environment so unpopular that it ceased to make sense for the local CBS affiliate to buy the remainder of the seats, as they had done in years past. In the excitement of a very productive offseason, I think it’s paramount for fans not to forget what really happened in 2009: Todd Haley sucked. It’s impossible to gauge at this juncture whether or not it’s a permanent affliction, but one thing is clear: in 2009, Todd Haley sucked. Yes, I’m rehashing old ground here, but the man took a bad team and made it worse, and it took the singular effort of a second year tailback to give the whole situ a happy ending.

Even good teams win games sometimes off of singular efforts, but good teams don’t have to have them to win at all. There was nothing to fear about the Chiefs except Jamaal Charles. Nothing in the offensive scheme gave cause for concern to opposing teams’ defenses. Matt Cassel and Dwayne Bowe weren’t overwhelming cornerbacks with their unshakable chemistry. Likewise, Tyson Jackson and Demorrio Williams weren’t testing the courage of the other team’s tailbacks–even the second stringers.

The simple truth is that Haley was in over his head, and his consistent poor decision making dug that hole deeper and deeper. His chance for success was predicated on three things: his ability to handle the toughest and second toughest coaching jobs in all of sports at the same time, Matt Cassel’s ability to more or less coach and babysit himself, and Clancy Pendergast’s ability to design a successful defense with limited talent. One and two were untested; theoretically, Haley and Cassel could have both demonstrated an unlikely propensity for the implausible, and in doing so negate all common wisdom on the nature of building an offense. Three was tested and demonstrated to be, for all intents and purposes, impossible. That Pendergast was unable to develop a dominant defense in Arizona with a much more impressive supporting cast should have served as prima facie evidence that it wasn’t gonna happen in KC either.

But I recognize 2009 for what it was, and I’m willing to conditionally excuse it. Haley suffered the consequences of vanity and misplaced loyalty. He thought that he and his boys could do it better. In an attempt to put his personal stamp on the team early on, he cut some of the players and coaches that could have helped him the most. By the same measure, he cut a lot of the fat, figuratively and literally. He did a lot to damage his reputation with moves like cutting Bernard Pollard, who should have been kept or at least traded, but he also did himself a world of good by cutting the single most caustic player this team has known in my lifetime, and doing so at a critical juncture wherein said caustic figure stood a very real chance of etching his name in the team’s record books atop one of the most revered and respected players this team has known in my lifetime.

Thus, it’s hard to call 2009 a wasted season. Fans would have been pleased with a 6-10 season. It would have been viewed as significant progress, and rightly so. Instead, the fans got a 4-12 season with a win in Denver and an unceremonious boot to the ass of Larry Johnson. In terms of playoff standings, 6-10 is no better than 4-12, ergo I’m not entirely disappointed. Painful as it was to watch at times, two of my biggest wishes came true, and the team is better off for both.

Auf wiedersehen, baby. I’m off to get my hands on some vitamin D.

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